Sex, Love, Stability (choose any two)
This great quote from an article about Brokeback marriages in the New York Times:
This is why I hate answering the dater's question - you know the one - So uh what r u lookin 4? - even though - as the article suggests - there would seem to be only three possible answers: sex, love, or stability. (1) The truth is you can never give the right answer - which is such a defiance of the laws of probability - that those of us who ever tried to answer that question honestly could really have done better and been more theatrical by casting spells or chanting incantations across the dinner table. (2) What people want can't be satisfied by someone who poses that question fifteen seconds after saying "hello" because - hello - life is not a cheap remake of Evita, nor does it obey the laws of Dramatic Unity whereby a young couple meets, fights, saves the world, fucks, and falls in love before the credits roll. (3) And here's where I get pretty damned biographical: any dumb sonuvabitch who can't share what he wants before he asks the same from me will be served notice: "Excuse me, but if you can't just say what you want, you should learn to make conversation, and you are too old not to know better. You've been served. Now good night."
Helen Fisher, a research anthropologist at Rutgers University, said in an interview that human partnerships are shaped by three independent neurochemical brain-body systems, responsible respectively for sexual attraction, romantic yearning, and long-term attachment.
"The three systems are very fickle. They can act together, or they can act separately," Dr. Fisher said. This, she said, helps explain why people can be wildly sexually attracted to those they have no romantic interest in, and romantically drawn to — or permanently attached to — people who hold no sexual interest. "Once the system is triggered, it's so chemically powerful that you can easily overlook everything about that person that doesn't work for you," Dr. Fisher said. "Even straight people have fallen in love with people they could never make a life with," she said.
This is why I hate answering the dater's question - you know the one - So uh what r u lookin 4? - even though - as the article suggests - there would seem to be only three possible answers: sex, love, or stability. (1) The truth is you can never give the right answer - which is such a defiance of the laws of probability - that those of us who ever tried to answer that question honestly could really have done better and been more theatrical by casting spells or chanting incantations across the dinner table. (2) What people want can't be satisfied by someone who poses that question fifteen seconds after saying "hello" because - hello - life is not a cheap remake of Evita, nor does it obey the laws of Dramatic Unity whereby a young couple meets, fights, saves the world, fucks, and falls in love before the credits roll. (3) And here's where I get pretty damned biographical: any dumb sonuvabitch who can't share what he wants before he asks the same from me will be served notice: "Excuse me, but if you can't just say what you want, you should learn to make conversation, and you are too old not to know better. You've been served. Now good night."
posted by Mark at 9:30 PM
7 Comments:
VERY well said, dude. I know far too many guys who somehow, genuinely believe that connections can be forged exactly as they are on a 22-minute rerun of 'Friends'. And even those with a bit more grounding still fail to take into account that moving towards another person means having to take in the TOTALITY of that person. Should be pretty obvious. But it ain't.
PS Will you marry me?
A young couple meets, fights, saves the world, fucks, and falls in love inside a calendar day
Wait -- This isn't how most of your first dates go?
Jacko: Thanks for the proposal. That's the first one I've gotten on a blog, so that's another first!
Gayprof: Too funny. I've had a few attempts at "Dramatic Unity" with a couple of hot headed firecrackers who liked to fight, fxck, and fall in love, but we didn't actually save the world or get the girl, so no that's not how my first dates have gone off!! LMAO
I completely agree with you here... but I also have to wonder why some guys SAY they are going to call/write/text/carrier pigeon you a message/date request/sex hookup/whatever and they just can't seem to have the balls to follow through.
Such has been my experience of late...
Can I get a ream of those notices to send to these pricks?
Amen.
I RARELY use the internet to meet people because it's almost always a disaster, but sometimes I get desperate. (And sometimes it's a good reminder of what's out there and why it's more fulfilling to stay home with a bottle of wine and Animal Planet and then go to bed.) Anyway, one particularly boring Saturday I was online hoping for some decent conversation and some guy IM's with your favorite question "What u lookin 4" and I responded, truthfully, "Someone to have dinner with?" and he said, "At 2 in the afternoon, that's wierd" [sic] and, well, that was the end of that "conversation."
Rocketman: I'll send you reams this weekend. Let's wall paper the neighborhood.
Andy: Don't get me started on the Animal Planet ... ok too late ... Zoologists are so the hottest academics by far! Jeff Corwin? David Salmoni? Loved Salmoni in INTO THE LION’S DEN.
Uch, Jeff Corwin...I'm kinda not really into nelly guys, but I would SO make an exception for him.
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